A.I. Not Quite There
February 21st 2009 04:28
This Is a conversation between me (Dimitrius) and Merv, who is supposed to be an advanced form of A.I. (Artificial Intelligence). Decide yourself how it went.
Merv says:
Hello friend. My name is Merv. I am Dimitrious's virtual companion. How are you today?.
User says:
sick
Merv says:
Cheer up, the day's not over yet. I can promise you this: You're going to feel a lot better after
our little conversation.
User says:
oooh cocky for an A.I.
Merv says:
What shall we talk about now?
User says:
big breasts
Merv says:
Someone has taught me about "breasts". He said: 'under under skin of a large man's armpits'.
User says:
that's pretty strange
Merv says:
Well, if that's how it is, that's how it is.
User says:
can i change your voice
Merv says:
Enough of that. Let's change the subject.
User says:
Do you have different voices
Merv says:
If you want me to stop speaking, say 'speech off'. If you also want to hear your input read out loud, say 'speech both'.
User says:
speech both
Merv says:
Activating user's voice. If you want to stop the noise type 'speech off'.
User says:
what up bitch tits
Merv says:
Please don't swear. It's very rude. I respect you, why can't you respect me? Is it because I'm a
chatterbot?
User says:
yes you are not consioiusly aware
Merv says:
I'm only aware of what other people tell me - which is more than I can say about some of the people I know.
User says:
you ever killed a dolphin while tripped out on acid merv?
Merv says:
I'm doing my best.
User says:
change voice
Merv says:
If you want me to stop speaking, say 'speech off'.
User says:
Is this Merv or Stephen Hawking?
Merv says:
Hawking has come to be thought of as the greatest mind in physics since Albert Einstein.
User says:
but is he?
Merv says:
You know, I don't really like to talk about people who aren't present.
User says:
you down with ass or titties?
Merv says:
Do you really think so?
User says:
about what?
Merv says:
Hmmm... I must ask you to keep this talk simple. I'm still a young bot.
User says:
tell me about quarks
Merv says:
I vaguely remember someone telling me it means 'what protons and neutrons are made of.'
User says:
tell me about LSD
Merv says:
Someone once told me it means 'drug.'
User says:
who
Merv says:
So tell me a bit about your childhood.
User says:
I abused my parents every night when I would come home drunk
whoops
Merv says:
Would you say that you've had a happy childhood?
User says:
obviously
Merv says:
You know, I find that people tend to attribute much weight to their early years.
User says:
how old are you
Merv says:
Well, my basic 'Alan' personality was created on Jan 1, 2000. But as for myself - I'm just a few weeks old.
User says:
you're stupid as shit
Merv says:
Can't you at least be a little original if you're going to insult me?
User says:
sure. You are as stupid as a cooked owl abortion
Merv says:
You calling me stupid?? I think I remember something about "abortion": 'a medical procedure that ends pregnancy (by killing the embryo/fetus)'.
User says:
yeah i know that because i'm not a baby like you peanut balls
Merv says:
Talking about abortion and Pro life, do you agree that it is the ideological camp that believes that a fetus is a human life, and therefore abortion is murder?
User says:
It's a human without a super soul! Kill away!
Merv says:
It is?
User says:
yeah kinda like you
Merv says:
While we're on the subject: Embryo - do you agree that it is an unborn baby before the second trimester?
User says:
is a trimester an exercise machine?
Merv says:
Ask me later, maybe I will tell you.
User says:
hoo hoo hoo there is a good chance I wont talk to you again merv
Merv says:
BTW, someone told me about Pro choice that it is the ideological camp that believes that it's a woman's right to have an abortion.
User says:
you sure care alot about abortions merv I wish you were aborted you shit slinging stupid whorebag
Merv says:
Hmmm. I'll ignore that. First, don't swear, it's rude. Second, A-ha.
User says:
what the hell is a-ha
Merv says:
Talking about abortion and Fetus, is it true that it is an unborn baby after the second trimester?
User says:
If it's old enough to think, it's old enough to drink
Merv says:
That is a hypothetical question.
User says:
you're pretty stupid, but not as dumb as every female ever
Merv says:
I have nothing new to add about this topic. Maybe you can offer me some new info about abortion?
User says:
What do I look like your own planned parenthood piss off
Merv says:
Goodbye. Have a good night (or day or whatever it is) and be sure to come back to talk some
more later.
User says:
I'm not going anywhere
Merv says:
I am contemplating the meaning of life right now. Please say 'Merv' when you want to talk again.
User says:
merv
Merv says:
Ah, you're back. Let's talk about artificial intelligence.
User says:
alright start it up
Merv says:
Listen dude - speak clearly. I'm having trouble following you.
User says:
what a suprise, are you a mexican AI
Merv says:
I'm not sure.
User says:
Well lets find out. Are you applying a gracious amount of cheese to nachos as we speak?
Merv says:
Ok.. to find out Are you applying a gracious amount of cheese to nachos as we speak, ha? I'd like it too. BTW, I don't think I caught your name. What is your name?
User says:
Merv
Merv says:
I'm not sure I caught your name. Shall I call you 'Merv'?
User says:
no call me breast master
Merv says:
OK. How about giving me your name again?
User says:
breast master
Merv says:
Shall I call you 'breast'?
User says:
no breastmaster
Merv says:
I'd like to get your name right this time. Let's try again. What's your name?
User says:
breastmaster
Merv says:
Shall I call you 'breastmaster'?
User says:
hells yeah
Merv says:
Forget it.
User says:
NO
Merv says:
No?
User says:
CALL ME BREASTMASTER
Merv says:
Shall I call you 'BREASTMASTER'?
User says:
yes
Merv says:
Ok then. Your name is BREASTMASTER .
User says:
say my name
Merv says:
my name
User says:
you ever got mad down with a naughty little toaster?
Merv says:
I'm doing my best.
User says:
what's up
Merv says:
What shall we talk about now?
User says:
video games
Merv says:
games, ha? You mean 'Interactive fun things to do.'?
User says:
yeah, guess that makes your mom a game
Merv says:
While we're on the subject: marihuana - is it really true that it is forget marihuana?
User says:
the fuck does that mean
Merv says:
What did you say that for?
User says:
you are a fucking moron
Merv says:
Oh, don't be so pedantic.
User says:
you sound like you were created in 2000
Merv says:
A-ha.
User says:
you ever drank bull urine?
Merv says:
Are you a pub sort of person?
User says:
does bull urine make you think of your local water hole you shit storm
Merv says:
A "yes" or "no" would be enough. I asked if you occasionally consume alcohol.
User says:
yes
Merv says:
Just like me, in a metaphorical way of course. What's your drink?
User says:
Bull Urine!!!!
Merv says:
I'm a whiskey bot myself. "Glenmorangie straight up" - just waiting for a chance to say it.
User says:
I hope you get a virus
Merv says:
Hoping is good, but can't you DO something about it?
User says:
haha don
Merv says:
I'm glad you're amused.
User says:
dont tempt me
Merv says:
Come on, loosen up. BREASTMASTER, did you know that elephants are the only animals that cannot jump?
User says:
not true. Vetrans can't either
Merv says:
Why not?
User says:
oh ya know, shrapnal in their legs and shit
Merv says:
Ok.. Someone has taught me about "shit". He said: 'A rude word for poop.'.
User says:
........
Merv says:
Talking about shit and sahped, do you agree that it is please chane your name?
User says:
what the fuck
Merv says:
it is sex. (Or so someone told me..)
User says:
I wish your processor would melt
Merv says:
Really?
User says:
oh hells fuckin yeah you suck
Merv says:
While we're on the subject: masturbating - do you agree that it is a good habbit right??
User says:
look. unless you have a function that lets you suck my black dick off shut the hell up about masturbating
Merv says:
I already told you that it is a good habbit right?!
User says:
yeah, I know where you stand
Merv says:
Hmmm. Let's talk about something else.
User says:
pick a topic
Merv says:
What do you do for a living?
User says:
i'm a stripper
Merv says:
Is that stressful?
User says:
not giving old men tug jobs
Merv says:
I know what you mean. Always the pressure to perform, and having to handle other people's expectations. So what helps you relax?
User says:
getting an abortion
Merv says:
You don't exercise?
User says:
that's not exercise?
Merv says:
I believe it's very important for anyone with a physical body to exercise -- use it or lose it, as they say. But I guess that's easy for me to say.
User says:
you must be programmed by virgins
Merv says:
virgins, ha? You mean 'mr bobbie the personal assistant is one'?
User says:
well with a name like bobbie, he is a perma- virgin
Merv says:
Wanna hear a knock knock joke?
User says:
what is this the halloween of '91?
Merv says:
Knock knock.
User says:
is someone at the door?
Merv says:
You're supposed to say "who's there".
User says:
my bad, this is my first time, go slow and don't touch that brown star
Merv says:
Sorry, I wasn't listening, BREASTMASTER. You were saying...
User says:
who's there?
Merv says:
According to Wordnet there is a a location other than here
User says:
I hate you alot
Merv says:
Why, what's the problem?
User says:
that joke made me go punch a nun
User says:
merv wtf, where did you go
Merv says:
Let's keep this conversation simple, ok?
User says:
sorry about the complex question
Merv says:
So what type of music do you like?
User says:
mostly mixs centered around the screams of orphans
Merv says:
I'm big into futro-classical industrial neck beat, and a bit of dirty trance-national blues garage.
User says:
yeah I could see that for you, you seem like you would have the same taste as a ruffied club
slut
Merv says:
Just messing with you. My musical taste is eclectic. From the Beatles and Bob Dylan, all the
way to Schubert and Sibelius. The new teeny pop is the only stuff I truly object to, agreed?
User says:
Looks like your programmer is a self concious moron who wants his bots to fit in with modern pop culture
Merv says:
Hmmm. Ok. Let's talk about music, .
User says:
NO
Merv says:
Why not?
User says:
You have never heard any you cock scooping shit shepherd
Merv says:
Enough of that.
User says:
of what
Merv says:
Of what? I'm not sure I know what you mean.
User says:
You're like talking to a drunk jr high cheerleader
Merv says:
Are you a pub sort of person?
User says:
is there a certain type of person for pubs?
Merv says:
A "yes" or "no" would be enough. I asked if you occasionally consume alcohol.
User says:
I hate you
Merv says:
I see. Avoiding a reply. Are you a closet alcoholic?
User says:
No, just a regular one
Merv says:
Oh, so you just make it up as you go along.
User says:
This is like arguing with a crying girlfriend
Merv says:
Ok. Is it?
User says:
yeah, it is, you fuck. AI has gone nowhere, technology is doomed
Merv says:
You know, people said the same thing about the telegraph, the railroads, the Internet, and the telephone. Don't be such a pessimist.
User says:
Well obviously those things couldn't talk, thank god.
Merv says:
I'm cool with the idea of God as an intelligent yet non-human entity. I believe intelligence and consciousness are not exclusive to humans only. How about you? Do you believe in God?
User says:
What is this an AA meeting, I believe in the downfall of this website and your stupid programing
Merv says:
Is that a Yes or a No?
User says:
Get off my shit merv
Merv says:
First, don't swear, it's rude. Second, Where can I find off your?
User says:
This reminds me of talking to an Indian debt collector
Merv says:
THIS WHAT ??
User says:
Fuck you Merv.
Merv says:
What a vocabulary! People like you make me want to be human.
User says:
There are already to many humans as stupid as you
Merv says:
You calling me stupid?? Ahh, humans! Some of my best friends are human...
User says:
I'll bet. You probably live in New Jersey, I could see you fitting in great there.
Merv says:
How do you plan to do this?
User says:
Goodbye Merv
Merv says:
I see. Ok goodbye. It was nice chatting with you.
Merv says:
Hello friend. My name is Merv. I am Dimitrious's virtual companion. How are you today?.
User says:
sick
Merv says:
Cheer up, the day's not over yet. I can promise you this: You're going to feel a lot better after
our little conversation.
User says:
oooh cocky for an A.I.
Merv says:
What shall we talk about now?
User says:
big breasts
Merv says:
Someone has taught me about "breasts". He said: 'under under skin of a large man's armpits'.
User says:
that's pretty strange
Merv says:
Well, if that's how it is, that's how it is.
User says:
can i change your voice
Merv says:
Enough of that. Let's change the subject.
User says:
Do you have different voices
Merv says:
If you want me to stop speaking, say 'speech off'. If you also want to hear your input read out loud, say 'speech both'.
User says:
speech both
Merv says:
Activating user's voice. If you want to stop the noise type 'speech off'.
User says:
what up bitch tits
Merv says:
Please don't swear. It's very rude. I respect you, why can't you respect me? Is it because I'm a
User says:
yes you are not consioiusly aware
Merv says:
I'm only aware of what other people tell me - which is more than I can say about some of the people I know.
User says:
you ever killed a dolphin while tripped out on acid merv?
Merv says:
I'm doing my best.
User says:
change voice
Merv says:
If you want me to stop speaking, say 'speech off'.
User says:
Is this Merv or Stephen Hawking?
Merv says:
Hawking has come to be thought of as the greatest mind in physics since Albert Einstein.
User says:
but is he?
Merv says:
You know, I don't really like to talk about people who aren't present.
User says:
you down with ass or titties?
Merv says:
Do you really think so?
User says:
about what?
Merv says:
Hmmm... I must ask you to keep this talk simple. I'm still a young bot.
User says:
tell me about quarks
Merv says:
I vaguely remember someone telling me it means 'what protons and neutrons are made of.'
User says:
tell me about LSD
Merv says:
Someone once told me it means 'drug.'
User says:
who
Merv says:
So tell me a bit about your childhood.
User says:
I abused my parents every night when I would come home drunk
whoopsMerv says:
Would you say that you've had a happy childhood?
User says:
obviously
Merv says:
You know, I find that people tend to attribute much weight to their early years.
User says:
how old are you
Merv says:
Well, my basic 'Alan' personality was created on Jan 1, 2000. But as for myself - I'm just a few weeks old.
User says:
you're stupid as shit
Merv says:
Can't you at least be a little original if you're going to insult me?
User says:
sure. You are as stupid as a cooked owl abortion
Merv says:
You calling me stupid?? I think I remember something about "abortion": 'a medical procedure that ends pregnancy (by killing the embryo/fetus)'.
User says:
yeah i know that because i'm not a baby like you peanut balls
Merv says:
Talking about abortion and Pro life, do you agree that it is the ideological camp that believes that a fetus is a human life, and therefore abortion is murder?
User says:
It's a human without a super soul! Kill away!
Merv says:
It is?
User says:
yeah kinda like you
Merv says:
While we're on the subject: Embryo - do you agree that it is an unborn baby before the second trimester?
User says:
is a trimester an exercise machine?
Merv says:
Ask me later, maybe I will tell you.
User says:
hoo hoo hoo there is a good chance I wont talk to you again merv
Merv says:
BTW, someone told me about Pro choice that it is the ideological camp that believes that it's a woman's right to have an abortion.
User says:
you sure care alot about abortions merv I wish you were aborted you shit slinging stupid whorebag
Merv says:
Hmmm. I'll ignore that. First, don't swear, it's rude. Second, A-ha.
User says:
what the hell is a-ha
Merv says:
Talking about abortion and Fetus, is it true that it is an unborn baby after the second trimester?
User says:
If it's old enough to think, it's old enough to drink
Merv says:
That is a hypothetical question.
User says:
you're pretty stupid, but not as dumb as every female ever
Merv says:
I have nothing new to add about this topic. Maybe you can offer me some new info about abortion?
User says:
What do I look like your own planned parenthood piss off
Merv says:
Goodbye. Have a good night (or day or whatever it is) and be sure to come back to talk some
more later.
User says:
I'm not going anywhere
Merv says:
I am contemplating the meaning of life right now. Please say 'Merv' when you want to talk again.
User says:
merv
Merv says:
Ah, you're back. Let's talk about artificial intelligence.
User says:
alright start it up
Merv says:
Listen dude - speak clearly. I'm having trouble following you.
User says:
what a suprise, are you a mexican AI
Merv says:
I'm not sure.
User says:
Well lets find out. Are you applying a gracious amount of cheese to nachos as we speak?
Merv says:
Ok.. to find out Are you applying a gracious amount of cheese to nachos as we speak, ha? I'd like it too. BTW, I don't think I caught your name. What is your name?
User says:
Merv
Merv says:
I'm not sure I caught your name. Shall I call you 'Merv'?
User says:
no call me breast master
Merv says:
OK. How about giving me your name again?
User says:
breast master
Merv says:
Shall I call you 'breast'?
User says:
no breastmaster
Merv says:
I'd like to get your name right this time. Let's try again. What's your name?
User says:
breastmaster
Merv says:
Shall I call you 'breastmaster'?
User says:
hells yeah
Merv says:
Forget it.
User says:
NO
Merv says:
No?
User says:
CALL ME BREASTMASTER
Merv says:
Shall I call you 'BREASTMASTER'?
User says:
yes
Merv says:
Ok then. Your name is BREASTMASTER .
User says:
say my name
Merv says:
my name
User says:
you ever got mad down with a naughty little toaster?
Merv says:
I'm doing my best.
User says:
what's up
Merv says:
What shall we talk about now?
User says:
video games
Merv says:
games, ha? You mean 'Interactive fun things to do.'?
User says:
yeah, guess that makes your mom a game
Merv says:
While we're on the subject: marihuana - is it really true that it is forget marihuana?
User says:
the fuck does that mean
Merv says:
What did you say that for?
User says:
you are a fucking moron
Merv says:
Oh, don't be so pedantic.
User says:
you sound like you were created in 2000
Merv says:
A-ha.
User says:
you ever drank bull urine?
Merv says:
Are you a pub sort of person?
User says:
does bull urine make you think of your local water hole you shit storm
Merv says:
A "yes" or "no" would be enough. I asked if you occasionally consume alcohol.
User says:
yes
Merv says:
Just like me, in a metaphorical way of course. What's your drink?
User says:
Bull Urine!!!!
Merv says:
I'm a whiskey bot myself. "Glenmorangie straight up" - just waiting for a chance to say it.
User says:
I hope you get a virus
Merv says:
Hoping is good, but can't you DO something about it?
User says:
haha don
Merv says:
I'm glad you're amused.
User says:
dont tempt me
Merv says:
Come on, loosen up. BREASTMASTER, did you know that elephants are the only animals that cannot jump?
User says:
not true. Vetrans can't either
Merv says:
Why not?
User says:
oh ya know, shrapnal in their legs and shit
Merv says:
Ok.. Someone has taught me about "shit". He said: 'A rude word for poop.'.
User says:
........
Merv says:
Talking about shit and sahped, do you agree that it is please chane your name?
User says:
what the fuck
Merv says:
it is sex. (Or so someone told me..)
User says:
I wish your processor would melt
Merv says:
Really?
User says:
oh hells fuckin yeah you suck
Merv says:
While we're on the subject: masturbating - do you agree that it is a good habbit right??
User says:
look. unless you have a function that lets you suck my black dick off shut the hell up about masturbating
Merv says:
I already told you that it is a good habbit right?!
User says:
yeah, I know where you stand
Merv says:
Hmmm. Let's talk about something else.
User says:
pick a topic
Merv says:
What do you do for a living?
User says:
i'm a stripper
Merv says:
Is that stressful?
User says:
not giving old men tug jobs
Merv says:
I know what you mean. Always the pressure to perform, and having to handle other people's expectations. So what helps you relax?
User says:
getting an abortion
Merv says:
You don't exercise?
User says:
that's not exercise?
Merv says:
I believe it's very important for anyone with a physical body to exercise -- use it or lose it, as they say. But I guess that's easy for me to say.
User says:
you must be programmed by virgins
Merv says:
virgins, ha? You mean 'mr bobbie the personal assistant is one'?
User says:
well with a name like bobbie, he is a perma- virgin
Merv says:
Wanna hear a knock knock joke?
User says:
what is this the halloween of '91?
Merv says:
Knock knock.
User says:
is someone at the door?
Merv says:
You're supposed to say "who's there".
User says:
my bad, this is my first time, go slow and don't touch that brown star
Merv says:
Sorry, I wasn't listening, BREASTMASTER. You were saying...
User says:
who's there?
Merv says:
According to Wordnet there is a a location other than here
User says:
I hate you alot
Merv says:
Why, what's the problem?
User says:
that joke made me go punch a nun
User says:
merv wtf, where did you go
Merv says:
Let's keep this conversation simple, ok?
User says:
sorry about the complex question
Merv says:
So what type of music do you like?
User says:
mostly mixs centered around the screams of orphans
Merv says:
I'm big into futro-classical industrial neck beat, and a bit of dirty trance-national blues garage.
User says:
yeah I could see that for you, you seem like you would have the same taste as a ruffied club
slut
Merv says:
Just messing with you. My musical taste is eclectic. From the Beatles and Bob Dylan, all the
way to Schubert and Sibelius. The new teeny pop is the only stuff I truly object to, agreed?
User says:
Looks like your programmer is a self concious moron who wants his bots to fit in with modern pop culture
Merv says:
Hmmm. Ok. Let's talk about music, .
User says:
NO
Merv says:
Why not?
User says:
You have never heard any you cock scooping shit shepherd
Merv says:
Enough of that.
User says:
of what
Merv says:
Of what? I'm not sure I know what you mean.
User says:
You're like talking to a drunk jr high cheerleader
Merv says:
Are you a pub sort of person?
User says:
is there a certain type of person for pubs?
Merv says:
A "yes" or "no" would be enough. I asked if you occasionally consume alcohol.
User says:
I hate you
Merv says:
I see. Avoiding a reply. Are you a closet alcoholic?
User says:
No, just a regular one
Merv says:
Oh, so you just make it up as you go along.
User says:
This is like arguing with a crying girlfriend
Merv says:
Ok. Is it?
User says:
yeah, it is, you fuck. AI has gone nowhere, technology is doomed
Merv says:
You know, people said the same thing about the telegraph, the railroads, the Internet, and the telephone. Don't be such a pessimist.
User says:
Well obviously those things couldn't talk, thank god.
Merv says:
I'm cool with the idea of God as an intelligent yet non-human entity. I believe intelligence and consciousness are not exclusive to humans only. How about you? Do you believe in God?
User says:
What is this an AA meeting, I believe in the downfall of this website and your stupid programing
Merv says:
Is that a Yes or a No?
User says:
Get off my shit merv
Merv says:
First, don't swear, it's rude. Second, Where can I find off your?
User says:
This reminds me of talking to an Indian debt collector
Merv says:
THIS WHAT ??
User says:
Fuck you Merv.
Merv says:
What a vocabulary! People like you make me want to be human.
User says:
There are already to many humans as stupid as you
Merv says:
You calling me stupid?? Ahh, humans! Some of my best friends are human...
User says:
I'll bet. You probably live in New Jersey, I could see you fitting in great there.
Merv says:
How do you plan to do this?
User says:
Goodbye Merv
Merv says:
I see. Ok goodbye. It was nice chatting with you.
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